Sunday, August 7, 2011

Grieving over the Gone

About 3 months ago my first and oldest dogs bit someone who patted her sore hip giving her fear and discomfort. That someone was our ten year old neighbor who was over watching my younger female dogs puppies. She bit her in the mouth. Blood streamed down her chin but she said she was okay, her parents ended up taking her to the ER where they had to call animal control to house her for a week to make sure she didn't have any diseases. That night me my mom and my step-dad had a "family discussion." We talked about how she was old and we could not chance it happening again. They left the decision up to me. We were going to put her down. My step-dad said I was mature for making that decision but really I was just fearing how she might go. She was a big dog with a short lifespan. I didn't want to wake up to a dead dog one morning or go to pet her and not feel her warm breath on my hand as she gave me a kiss. After her ten day stay at the pound she would come home one night and we'd all say are goodbye's. Her departure would be the next morning. She had a one way ticket to doggie heaven. I didn't cry. I never cried over those things but the tears just sat in my eyes as if there was a barrier blocking their way down my cheeks. The day she was supposed to come home I got a call from my mom saying she smelled putrid. She felt like throwing up. I said it was ok to just bring her to the vet... get it over with. And that is exactly what she did. Now I felt nauseous. 3 months later and I still feel my good-bye isn't over. I regret saying I couldn't watch the pups bringing my neighbor over. I regret not warning her of her hip pain before it was too late. I regret believing she was ok when I asked. I regret not coming along with my mom to pick her up when she asked. But there was nothing I could do about it now. She was gone and all I could do was look back on the time we spent together. Some people would say who cares about a dog. Well she was more than a dog or a pet. She was a friend and a great one at that. She was an amazing listener. She taught me things. And she was as sweet as a Louisiana strawberry. Sometimes in the silence you can still hear her collar rattling as she prances down the hallway. I love her... and I always will.
R.I.P. Jazzy Jazmine Jazzmataz Walters/Garrott. Always in my heart.
Good girl.

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