Sunday, May 27, 2012

Today's Lessons: 1. Life is Good 2. Boys are Idiots

Hello. Long time no post ;-)
Anyway lets get to the point.

1. Life is Good
After a long train ride of bad things (Eric's death, health problems, finishing school, PITA boys, teenage hormones, chronic pain, crazy cats, e.t.c.) I've finally hit a good stop. I like to think of it as the green Ireland in a world full of city. I of course hate to say that because things go downhill when I say that. BUT yesterday I got a picture frame for my diploma, a frame for my senior picture, and my graduation gift which is a beautiful Olympus camera. I felt amazing. This next week is full of company, rehearsals, packing for camp, and finally graduating. I'm happy and it feels good.

2. Boys are idiots
Most girls don't need my help to discover this. I sent my crush who recently said he just wanted to be friends  and lives across the great state of Texas from me. I started not talking to him but I miss him so I sent him this extremely heartfelt message which I'm dumbly posting here:

Being a girl genuinely sucks because I have all these annoying emotions pestering me about... you. Honestly, I've never felt the way about someone like I do you and I kept telling myself that I could be friends even if you didn't like me but now I feel like I'm working at a chocolate shop and I can't have chocolate. What sucks is I really miss talking to you and if I hadn't taken N's stupid advice and asked you then everything would be fine. But she told me you probably didn't like me and that your little brother kept trying to set you two up. And then there's the matter of trying to make myself feel better so I went through the "maybe he's gay", "maybe he has a girlfriend", or maybe he just said that because of the distance. I just hoped it was the last one. The point is... I miss talking to you like crazy but I haven't been trying too because frankly, it hurts. So I'm not not talking to you cause I hate your guts or anything. ~Kristin

His reply?
Haha I'm not gay.
He's a certified idiot. But I still am head over heels. This sucks.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Joy & Sorrow

When I was a little girl I was the most cheerful little girl in the world. Rain and shine I would have a brilliant smile plastered across my place. I was a daddy's girl, which made certain things difficult. Like when I was 18 months old I was diagnosed and my dad gave up on God. I always thought about that through the rough patches in my life. Also my dad worked a lot. He still does. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes what it puts me through. When I was little it was no father figure around much. I missed him. Now I find it hard to call him. He always seems busy. I even wonder if cares more about work than about me. When my parents split my dad lived in an apartment. I was 4. I looked forward to his visits on the weekends. Then my mom met and fell in love with my stepdad. I never disliked him and when they were getting married I was excited to be part of the wedding. I was in tears during the wedding photos but not because I disagreed with the ceremony because I was upset I couldn't TAKE the photos. I was a goofy little girl. The only reason I didn't like my mom getting married was because I didn't want her changing her last name. Like I said.... goofy. There was a time when I lived across the country from my dad. I saw him once a year when HE visited me. Now I live one state away. We only see each other one more time a year and we are so much (geographically) closer. Now the blame lay on both of us. He doesn't call me that often and I don't call him. But I love him so much I'm so happy when I do get to see and talk to him. Now this doesn't have to do with the title directly. The Joy comes from what someone said to me yesterday. The Sorrow is from the death of Avery. The little girl from my last post. She passed away the 30th of April and will be dearly missed. She also seemed to be quite the daddy's girl. Her dad wrote her blog and both of her parents had such hope in her. It was and is quite amazing and inspirational.