Thursday, August 25, 2011

Rainy Days... just add water... please!

So Austin is pretty much in a drought right now. Even cloudy days like today bring in less water then Mr. T watching sappy love stories. From the moment I woke up it was one of "those" days. My nicely picked out outfit started off my seemingly endless tragic day. As I squeezed my skinnies on I prayed they would miraculously loosen. Somehow my prayer went unanswered. My shirt too was too tight and not even in the sexy way just in the you can't breathe way. When I took my morning meds I dropped the only one that could possibly kill my dogs and didn't find it until much much later. This was all before I got out of bed. Lacking in energy I didn't even bother brushing my teeth (gross I know). My day went okay until I took a science pre-test reminding me of exactly how much I hate science. Then at lunch my care-taker brought me a chicken sandwich and as I sat waiting for my friends it dawned on me they weren't coming. Then I preceded in pouring honey-mustard on myself and getting diet coke instead of the regular I had asked for. My neck was aching and my aide at school had chided me for being late to class. A class that has a total of 4 students. We were supposed to work in groups *sigh*. I left early due to my psychiatrist appointment who I preceded to yell at. And burst into tears. My mom and my live-in caretaker/big sister got in a slight trifle due to her use of the 45,000 mile van that has to be under 50,000 in order for me to drive it. This is what my big sister likes to do chores in when she could use our car. Things went okay for a little while while I watched the outrageously cute movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. Then I got pissed at my friend for doing what I like to call playing favorites although she was probably just playing. And finally exit with me being a bitch to my other caregiver. So after holding my breath all day, getting ditched, and growing slowly closer to not being able to drive my day is ALMOST over. Now I'm sticky, sad, and stuck-up. Writing helps but it also makes me think I have shitty friends, an angry family, and a guy I have fallen over who is sweet, cute, AND smart... and just wants to be friends... again... FML.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Grieving over the Gone

About 3 months ago my first and oldest dogs bit someone who patted her sore hip giving her fear and discomfort. That someone was our ten year old neighbor who was over watching my younger female dogs puppies. She bit her in the mouth. Blood streamed down her chin but she said she was okay, her parents ended up taking her to the ER where they had to call animal control to house her for a week to make sure she didn't have any diseases. That night me my mom and my step-dad had a "family discussion." We talked about how she was old and we could not chance it happening again. They left the decision up to me. We were going to put her down. My step-dad said I was mature for making that decision but really I was just fearing how she might go. She was a big dog with a short lifespan. I didn't want to wake up to a dead dog one morning or go to pet her and not feel her warm breath on my hand as she gave me a kiss. After her ten day stay at the pound she would come home one night and we'd all say are goodbye's. Her departure would be the next morning. She had a one way ticket to doggie heaven. I didn't cry. I never cried over those things but the tears just sat in my eyes as if there was a barrier blocking their way down my cheeks. The day she was supposed to come home I got a call from my mom saying she smelled putrid. She felt like throwing up. I said it was ok to just bring her to the vet... get it over with. And that is exactly what she did. Now I felt nauseous. 3 months later and I still feel my good-bye isn't over. I regret saying I couldn't watch the pups bringing my neighbor over. I regret not warning her of her hip pain before it was too late. I regret believing she was ok when I asked. I regret not coming along with my mom to pick her up when she asked. But there was nothing I could do about it now. She was gone and all I could do was look back on the time we spent together. Some people would say who cares about a dog. Well she was more than a dog or a pet. She was a friend and a great one at that. She was an amazing listener. She taught me things. And she was as sweet as a Louisiana strawberry. Sometimes in the silence you can still hear her collar rattling as she prances down the hallway. I love her... and I always will.
R.I.P. Jazzy Jazmine Jazzmataz Walters/Garrott. Always in my heart.
Good girl.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


The summer halfway point has passed and reality was setting in. Things were changing. But with a tighter grip on the changes that were going down. I was NOT letting this year desipate into a strong negative reaction. No I was going to take life by the balls because I officially have seniority status. Forget the chance of getting into homecoming royalty or prom or even graduation. I have one more time to get this sucker right. And I am NOT wasting it. This will be my year whether or not it wants to be. Maybe just maybe I'll find a guy who is mature enough to look past the wheels. Forget 100% of my energy going through school. I'll take the easy track. Now I'll be smoothly on my way up the social latter. Just watch.