Sad...

Sad is an interesting word. It can mean pathetic. It can mean depressed. It can mean horrible. Terrible. Useless. However you put it sad means bad. Sad = Bad. It is an unwelcoming and overwhelming feeling. An emotion so complex yet so simple. I am sad. I am pathetic. I am depressed. But most of all I have the lack of happiness. I go through pain. It does not go away. I take medicine. The medicine blocks it temporarily. I always do something wrong. This feeling makes me hate myself. I just want to die sometimes. I think about the ways to. But I know my family would miss me. They would miss me even though I am sad. I want to be happy. It just doesn't work. My happy is broken. Maybe it is becausing I feel I am always doing something wrong even when I try to correct my mistakes. I feel like they blame me for the problems. Even though they have problems of their own. Then they don't trust me. I give them every reason to. I don't lie. At least not consciencly. This is my heart sliced open. All of it's contents out for you to see. Enjoy. Do with it what you wish. But just remember... I cannot be fixed.