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I found out that (pretty much) my sister was at the hospital. Not because she was injured, she probably would have been sitting in her apartment. Cue the boyfriend, he walks in, they kiss, he sets his helmet down then plops next to her on the couch. But that didn't happen. He never walked in that door. Meanwhile, he is driving home on his motorcycle when a car unexpectedly turns in front of him slinging him off the motorcycle and into unconsciousness. He never woke up. I've known people to die, my Uncle Barry scarred me the most. He (the boyfriend) was part of my routine. I would listen to her talk about him. She loved him an extraordinary amount. I always made fun of him and would start arguments. I'd take it all back if I could. I was just over a week ago playing video games with them. And now he's gone. I guess I still don't believe it. But its this numb and sad feeling... my blank page of emotions.

Curioser and curioser...

A week ago from this moment I was dreading the fact that I had just talked to the guy I like on the phone for the first time and he kind of sounded like well in the words of Red Forman: a dumbass. A week of being sick, staying at home, and sitting on that lovely fact. Now the truth has come out and I'm feeling better. I told him flat up through text that I like him and he actually seems to like me which is like feeling like a million bucks when you've lived a life of rejection. But then there is the:

FLIP SIDE:

Katy is probably mad at me cause I threw a temper tantrum at her. Not for one specific reason but for being home schooled and stuck at home for a week straight and sick and harassed for the WORLD's dumbest thing by my home-school teacher and then find out she is grounded and had to cancel our plan's to hang out (my first time seeing someone from the outside world who could tell me what color the sky is and things like that) without telling me she was grounded. I had to ask HER if the plans were still on. All that pent up anger led to a topic I didn't even talk to my psychiatrist about cause I was so fumed out about the stupid boy drama. But she's getting me into some teen groups so I can socialize with some actual kids my age face to face. I forgot what that was like.

But altogether I've been pretty good I've been watching my shows with my new time (which I have a million of thanks to Sci-Fy, ABC, FOX, and especially ABC family) and catching up on my simming. What can I say I love playing God.

"What are you doing next year?" Nothing. Wanna hang out?

Hey my name is Tate, I'm dead, wanna hang out?

1st off my name is not Tate and I am not dead... it's just my favorite show in the whole frickin world!!! But anyway...

So my fickle future has a new paved fork in the road. Now I must decide if I want to tackle it. Honestly yes I do.

Why do we go to college? To get a good job. But why after High School just finished? To get it over with. But why do I have to go to college next year? I don't. I know, right!?! Didn't see that one coming.

Why am I going to go to school (which I already went through 14 years of, counting Pre-K, already) right away? Why don't I save my money? Prevent myself from spending money I don't have to get an education I frankly don't want or need. At least not yet. I want to establish myself as an adult (which will be more complicated being in a wheelchair) and enjoy not having school to worry about. Plus make money to go to a school I want to go to and KNOW not just think but truly KNOW I can make it on my own before I struggle with classes. I don't even have enough credits to make it on the recommended program (which I really wasn't willing to share) so I'm going to not follow the crowd... I know "all the popular kids are doing it" but when have I ever been one to swim with my school of fish?

So congratulations to the people who made it into the schools they wanted to go to like for example; Kelly Kantz, Katy Dirienzo, and Lisa Callahan. You guys did awesome to make it. And you REALLY deserve it. ;-D

Me. I'm gonna chill for a while. Get a job. Take a break. And live out my stupid little dream of being an extra on a TV show or movies. And maybe try that Glee project thing. If I don't make it I wasn't supposed to but for now I'm gonna go with the flow like Crush and Squirt from Finding Nemo. That's what life's about, ain't it?

The new, the old, and the other.

11:16 PM 12/31/11

This year has been long. It stresses me and weakens me then sews me together.

In the past year I have:

- Had three caregivers quit. Only two actually did.

- Met Draco the most troublesome nephew I'll ever have.

- Witnessed the birth of 7 miraculous puppies by their miraculous mama.

- Kept my relationship, kiss, and virginity status [the last one isn't so bad.]

- Had the one year anniversary of my uncle's death and a massive betrayal.

- Lost my first dog.

- Been crushed and bitterly retaliated.

- Found someone way more worth my time.

- Went to PACE and then back to PHS.

- Cried.

- Dyed my hair multiple times.

- Swam by myself.

- Asked my camp-crush to dance even though he's kinda a douche.

- Fought with my mom a lot.

- Learned to speak bad words.

- Had my first slightly dirty dream (blush)

- Been in the hospital 3 times.

- Turned 17.

- Lived with Brittany for 6 months.

- Treated Brittany as a sister.

- Fought with Katy.

- Realized my dad is a work-a-holic.

- Went to my first wedding, the french quarter, and my family plot in the cemetery for the first time in 10 years.

- Had one of my best friends move away.

- Procrastinated. A lot.

- Had my kitty be bullied.

- Saw a dog with a mohawk.

- Found 4 new shows I love... Switched at Birth, Awkward, Teen Wolf, and American Horror Story.

- Had my first job.

- Lost my first job.

- Held a baby rat.

- Realized Dani doesn't hate me.

- Cried some more.

- Hurt myself.

- Got my first Betsey Johnson item(s).

- Hurt the people I love the most.

- Realized I love everyone who entered my life for making me who I am.

Things for 2012:

-Be nice. No exceptions.

-Cut back on my language.

-Graduate High School.

-Get into TAMUCC.

-Be an extra.

-Go to New York.

-Graduate camp.

-Love the following people unconditionally: Katy Ide, Stephanie Darbe, Brittany Bonsack, Michele Wells, Megan Maldonado, Rose Sheppard, Merritt Lange, Maggie Shaghnessy, Natalie LaFlare, Steve Garrott, Michele Daste Walters-Garrott, Rob Walters, Ryan Walters, Mike Walters, All other relatives.

-Care about myself.

-Pass Pre-Cal and Science... and English. Oh! and Government. And Art... That's it.

-Be more independent.

-Do what I want in a nice way.

Peace Out and Happy New Year! Here is to Bitch-free Kristin ;-)

12:01 AM 1/1/12