Plain 'Ole Super Stressed Out High School Senior. . . Just Add Frequent Panic Attacks

Today me and my family celebrated Thanksgiving... Take note it is Black Friday and not the actual Thanksgiving. This included non-relatives, stupid teenage tantrums, someone showing up when we're all finished eating, football (which I kinda think I hate by the way), and of course food beyond the stomachs capacity. I didn't eat a hole lot because I had a horrible stomach ache going into the whole thing. Then I found out that my seester (not exactly a sister) is gonna be an extra on one of my favorite shows. It really isn't that I'm not happy for her. I'm thrilled, I even offered her to borrow a dress since she needs FIVE! Crazy, right? Anyway, as I was saying I'm so happy for her, but honestly I'm jealous, secretly everyone has a hidden dream, mine is to be an actress. It sorta hurts. But I really am happy for her cause I love her and everyone deserves their star moment. It sucks knowing I'm 8 months away from being old enough. That and my horrible stomach ache calls for the first break down. Then my social anxiety from being in a crowded room, my hyperventilating from laughter of my mom attacking Katy, and some harsh insults I had coming but wasn't up to caused my second meltdown. That was all I really needed, but the night ended (so far) on a higher note. I watched a few movies with just my mom and my brother, had some apple cider, and a conversation about school, the future, and my attitude lately. I realized though... this is my life. It is normal, in a way that all seniors in high school face. They all deal with deadlines, homework, grades, jobs, home pressure, friends, boyfriends, applications, scholarships, and well... life. It sucks but at least in some bizarre way I am getting some form of normalness, through out all this. It is kind of refreshing.

Bloggers Block

So for an insane amount of time I've been wanting to post a blog about... well that seems to be the problem. Anytime I have an idea for a blog I feel like I'm just going to bitch about my life. I don't want my blog to be a pessimistic view of my life. I want it to be a journal of my journeys! A diary of my Dares. A telling of my truths. A tale of my talks and my thoughts. But nothing sad. Now all my posts are from the view of a depressed smartass teenager. Not to mention I'm preaching to a very empty choir. Plus I just found out Tate is the baby daddy of Vivs unknown Rubber Man lovechild. But this is gonna change as a become an adult. As I form bonds with new people and start my life. 1st good thing: I'm almost finished with my TAMUCC application. I just need to figure out a way around my writers block so I can figure out a way to write damn good essays for the scholarships I'm applying to.

Oh well now back to feeding my American Horror Story addiction.

Tumbl-ing into my life

As I start/continue the beginning of the end of high school, I try to catch up from a two week long stomach bug, soothing my 2 week long period, and dealing with the horrible bi-polar Texas weather. While looking up a quote I'm still clueless to the meaning of, I stumbled upon the Tumblr account of someone with pictures practically telling the story of my sad existence. I've decided to share the best with you. (Whoever you are.)

It really stinks how true this is. I worry. And worry. And then I worry some more. And for what? Stress, acne, and hysterical fits.

If they actually had these I would get the world's biggest most non-lethal dosage possible. I wonder if it makes you grow boobs too?

Sometimes I REALLY think this is true to me. Sadly :-/

And the truth is EXACTLY this. I'll create art and read all day. But I really want someone to look me in the eyes and kiss me on lips and love me.

I'm sick of my tiny lil' Texas town but on the bright side I found a college that I think will really suit me :-) (And it is a LOT closer to my price range.)

Everyone's two favorite families... morphed into one. Nothing to do with me just amazing.

Pongo and Perdita... the world's cutest couple. What I want in my future.

Well I'm getting sleepy but you should check out this video:

http://youtu.be/3IrHee0ih_4

Rainy Days... just add water... please!

So Austin is pretty much in a drought right now. Even cloudy days like today bring in less water then Mr. T watching sappy love stories. From the moment I woke up it was one of "those" days. My nicely picked out outfit started off my seemingly endless tragic day. As I squeezed my skinnies on I prayed they would miraculously loosen. Somehow my prayer went unanswered. My shirt too was too tight and not even in the sexy way just in the you can't breathe way. When I took my morning meds I dropped the only one that could possibly kill my dogs and didn't find it until much much later. This was all before I got out of bed. Lacking in energy I didn't even bother brushing my teeth (gross I know). My day went okay until I took a science pre-test reminding me of exactly how much I hate science. Then at lunch my care-taker brought me a chicken sandwich and as I sat waiting for my friends it dawned on me they weren't coming. Then I preceded in pouring honey-mustard on myself and getting diet coke instead of the regular I had asked for. My neck was aching and my aide at school had chided me for being late to class. A class that has a total of 4 students. We were supposed to work in groups *sigh*. I left early due to my psychiatrist appointment who I preceded to yell at. And burst into tears. My mom and my live-in caretaker/big sister got in a slight trifle due to her use of the 45,000 mile van that has to be under 50,000 in order for me to drive it. This is what my big sister likes to do chores in when she could use our car. Things went okay for a little while while I watched the outrageously cute movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. Then I got pissed at my friend for doing what I like to call playing favorites although she was probably just playing. And finally exit with me being a bitch to my other caregiver. So after holding my breath all day, getting ditched, and growing slowly closer to not being able to drive my day is ALMOST over. Now I'm sticky, sad, and stuck-up. Writing helps but it also makes me think I have shitty friends, an angry family, and a guy I have fallen over who is sweet, cute, AND smart... and just wants to be friends... again... FML.