Insanernet

People and the internet. The internet is a crazy ass place to be. You can be literally whoever you want. That can be really bad. You can be drawn out to be a bitch, you can get fired from your job for complaining about it or having pictures that have a bad "image" for your company, or even meeting that hot girl you've been chatting it up with on Facebook who actually turns out to be a forty-something year old man with a large beer belly and more hair on his butt crack than on his head. It can also be really good. You can meet friends, find your soul mate, be superman, learn new things, e.t.c... A total creep was freaking out on a Yahoo article because she was mad that the article was saying Kim Kardashian had a hickey. She said it was psoriasis. (It wasn't). How I know that is a not very interesting story. So someone who was a medical professional told her it was a hickey. She got pissed and turned into a total bitch. I didn't know this and saw it was the first comment that popped up and she became more pissed because it was from April. She also got mad cause she thought I called her a ho (it was supposed to say who) which if I did call her a hoe I would spell it right. Then she told me I was stupid for being 18 (which says a lot because I'm smarter than her). And she topped it off with telling me to jump off a bridge. Where do people get off saying this kind of shit? I don't understand! I've said things I regret on the internet but I mainly defend people because idiots bully them. I think everyone does this. You say things that are hurtful and you just want to take them back. Suck up the words that flowed from your brain to the page. The good thing is the internet has your back. Just remake your profile right? WRONG! The best thing to do is apologize, defend yourself, or end the conversation. Just don't be rude about it. I replied to this girls horrible message and although what I said wasn't anything close to as hurtful as her words (just correcting my ho thing, although I did say she was not as smart as me which wasn't being the bigger person) I felt bad about it. So I blocked her. Hopefully she won't read the message and that'll be the end of it. But it is okay to block it. It is better than giving them a dose of their own bitter medicine and you don't have to face the problem anymore or make an ass of yourself. But you should apologize first. Even if it wasn't your fault it cools down the situation. But lets face it... Most people don't care about apologies. I have a friend who is dealing or has dealt with this before... actually I have a lot. And I even have gotten hurt off words on the internet. A guy told me I wasn't a good person for thinking I was. I've gotten my friends to break my heart by saying things... And I've done the same to them. But I'm planning on never being RUDE on the internet again... Sassy, sarcastic, and corrective/protective. Yes. But there is no reason to tell someone to jump off a bridge. So follow my lead and Follow way up there:         

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Catching Up

So it has been a while since I posted and I have a lot to catch up on. I graduated the 2nd:

After that I went to my last year at camp which included me doing everything being the only girl with a legit (want it to last after camp) crush which one of the counselors threatened to punch after I cried over a large "misunderstanding" with him. He wouldn't stop infiltrating my thoughts and continues to this day. If only he knew... I decided that I'd write a separate blog for my more personal thoughts... I hid it in one of my other posts if you really want to read my deepest darkest secrets... Anyway, I canoed, rode a horse, took out some anger in legit archery, and danced the night away. The day after camp reality set in though. My brother pestered me about being depressed. Told me I took too much medication when I was just sulking that my camp days were over. Camp is an experience like no other. You make friends, love interest, and memories that last you FOREVER. Plus no one judges you for the wheels. It's refreshing. Now it's over. But all great things come to an end. Two days I got in a car accident. Some asshole almost hit our car and my stopped suddenly. My chair slid forward and crushed my foot, thus breaking it. My foots a lot better now. I haven't left the house in a week but I'm really tired. When I did leave I went and asked out a guy I had JUST met in order to see if I could do it. Accomplishment good. I ended up getting a no but I did it anyway. My fear of rejection is getting less scary.

Today's Lessons: 1. Life is Good 2. Boys are Idiots

Hello. Long time no post ;-)
Anyway lets get to the point.

1. Life is Good
After a long train ride of bad things (Eric's death, health problems, finishing school, PITA boys, teenage hormones, chronic pain, crazy cats, e.t.c.) I've finally hit a good stop. I like to think of it as the green Ireland in a world full of city. I of course hate to say that because things go downhill when I say that. BUT yesterday I got a picture frame for my diploma, a frame for my senior picture, and my graduation gift which is a beautiful Olympus camera. I felt amazing. This next week is full of company, rehearsals, packing for camp, and finally graduating. I'm happy and it feels good.


2. Boys are idiots
Most girls don't need my help to discover this. I sent my crush who recently said he just wanted to be friends  and lives across the great state of Texas from me. I started not talking to him but I miss him so I sent him this extremely heartfelt message which I'm dumbly posting here:

Hey... 

Being a girl genuinely sucks because I have all these annoying emotions pestering me about... you. Honestly, I've never felt the way about someone like I do you and I kept telling myself that I could be friends even if you didn't like me but now I feel like I'm working at a chocolate shop and I can't have chocolate. What sucks is I really miss talking to you and if I hadn't taken N's stupid advice and asked you then everything would be fine. But she told me you probably didn't like me and that your little brother kept trying to set you two up. And then there's the matter of trying to make myself feel better so I went through the "maybe he's gay", "maybe he has a girlfriend", or maybe he just said that because of the distance. I just hoped it was the last one. The point is... I miss talking to you like crazy but I haven't been trying too because frankly, it hurts. So I'm not not talking to you cause I hate your guts or anything. ~Kristin

His reply?

Haha I'm not gay.

He's a certified idiot. But I still am head over heels. This sucks.

Joy & Sorrow

When I was a little girl I was the most cheerful little girl in the world. Rain and shine I would have a brilliant smile plastered across my place. I was a daddy's girl, which made certain things difficult. Like when I was 18 months old I was diagnosed and my dad gave up on God. I always thought about that through the rough patches in my life. Also my dad worked a lot. He still does. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes what it puts me through. When I was little it was no father figure around much. I missed him. Now I find it hard to call him. He always seems busy. I even wonder if cares more about work than about me. When my parents split my dad lived in an apartment. I was 4. I looked forward to his visits on the weekends. Then my mom met and fell in love with my stepdad. I never disliked him and when they were getting married I was excited to be part of the wedding. I was in tears during the wedding photos but not because I disagreed with the ceremony because I was upset I couldn't TAKE the photos. I was a goofy little girl. The only reason I didn't like my mom getting married was because I didn't want her changing her last name. Like I said.... goofy. There was a time when I lived across the country from my dad. I saw him once a year when HE visited me. Now I live one state away. We only see each other one more time a year and we are so much (geographically) closer. Now the blame lay on both of us. He doesn't call me that often and I don't call him. But I love him so much I'm so happy when I do get to see and talk to him. Now this doesn't have to do with the title directly. The Joy comes from what someone said to me yesterday. The Sorrow is from the death of Avery. The little girl from my last post. She passed away the 30th of April and will be dearly missed. She also seemed to be quite the daddy's girl. Her dad wrote her blog and both of her parents had such hope in her. It was and is quite amazing and inspirational.